Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham

Happy Birthday, dearest Sandip.

I pray you are well. I pray that God is revealing Himself to you more and more, and that He is protecting you and taking care of you. You are turning 21 now aren't you? You are a gift to this world. You have been God's gift to me. You may never know, but God does. I hope one day you will too.

Sandip, I saw Christ in you. 

It amazed me.. you have not yet accepted Christ as your Savior; Yet I saw God in you. You reflected Him to me. I thank God for creating you. You are His beautiful creation, made in the Image of our Creator. God always spoke this verse to me when I thought of you, "The joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10 I pray you will know how special you are. I pray you will truly know how much God loves you. I pray you will receive the Truth and Light that Jesus is shining upon you amidst the darkness of your world. 

You don't even know, but God brought so much Healing to me through you. Your joyful spirit, the way you cared for, respected, and loved each of those girls as sisters.. and how you cared for me, brought light to my experience in Kolkata... so drastically different than most of the men I encountered there, Especially in the red light area. I praise God So much for the presence of you in their lives and in mine.

My brother, my brother, my dear dolphin brother. May Satan never be able to steal away your Joy. God Protect him Protect him. Send your angels around him and all the girls there. I heard he got really sick, but God I pray you will continue healing him. May he be able to earn enough money so that he can provide for the rest of his family and once in awhile be able to enjoy treating himself to some of his favorite Good Day Biscuits as he works so hard everyday. The pollution of darkness that surrounds him, the spirit of pollution and sickness and filth, the idols, the evil that pervades where he lives,  God i pray that you would purify his surroundings, keep him pure, clean him, Heal him.  Lord, I know he is not perfect. He needs you so much... deep down I know that only you can heal. ONLY YOU can save. Help me truly believe that. Help me believe that God YOU LOVE HIM so much more than me, more than I ever could. 

LORD, open his heart. Open His heart to seek you. to receive from you. I thank you for Peter, Leonora, and Rafique, who found him and provided him this job. For the bible studies. Thankyou for using me to show Christ to him as well. Thankyou for allowing me to give him the gift of a bible as our parting gift. God I know He sensed love through me. I pray that he would Know that love comes from You. As he misses me, I pray that he would remember YOU, not me. GOD speak to him through Scripture. Open his eyes to see your light. May he receive your HOPE. May he Believe in you. Break down the idols and cultural religious barriers, the lies that there are many gods and all are true. Break down the parts of him that thinks he can rely on himself. LORD, may he be intrigued by your words. May your scriptures come alive to Him so that he may believe, follow you, even renounce his family's religion after encountering Your truth, your Light, Your LOVE. Comfort Him. 

LORD YOU ALONE ARE SAVIOR. SAVE HIM. 

I cry outtt, my heart is weeping, grieving, and breaking because He does not know you. The darkness that overwhelms him, he's so lost, He needs your healing. He needs You! You have given me so much love for him as a valued person, brother, friend. a man that reflected Christ to me.. I know that it could only have come from you. HELP me have Faith that you truly love him more than I do. Why do I feel like I love them more than you? God i submit these feelings to you. 

JESUS, I WOULD DIE FOR HIM TO KNOW YOU. I would die for so many of these ppl that are so lost and broken.. for them to know youu. Why did you save me? and not them? GOD give me faith that you are working in their lives.  LORD, I know it is not my role to save. My feelings of wanting to die for them to be saved.. I know now that I am not just crazy.. This HEART, this LOVE is from YOU.

LORD, thank you for giving me your heart and your love to love them. Now, I give it back. I surrender. Comfort me, that I cannot be in their lives anymore, I cannot communicate to them. I can't even wish him a happy birthday.... so painful.  I can't even fully explain to them how much You love him.

SANDIP, JESUS LOVES YOU JESUS LOVES YOU. I'm yelling across the oceans for you to hear. I long for you to know so badlyy, I long for you to seee CHRISTas I have.
Lord, give me Faith that JESUS will carry His message to you.

Happy Birthday, my dearest Brother.

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham- through the happiness and sorrow, God is with you.

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?

My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?

Lord, You were my tower of refuge. my safest shelter. YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME.  Then, Why? Where, WHERE were you?

Did you SEE what that man did,  Did you FEEL MY PAIN, Did you HEAR MY SILENT CRIES? My SILENT SCREAMS?

Yet... you did not even spare your one and only Son, Jesus. When he died on the cross, carrying the weight of the world's sin, Overwhelmed to the point that the Son of God himself felt and cried out "My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?" For a moment, you looked away.. you had to. You Had to.


You had to for the glory, the joy, the resurrection that was to come. You had to for the salvation of all mankind. for the salvation of me. Jesus, HOW did you endure all that shame, blame, rejection, mockery, pain.. Oh what Love what LOVE could endure such pain. God, I see that you had to allow it. for the GOOD that was to come. for the RESTORATION and HEALING that was to come.

O Savior, REDEEM my brokenness. Lord, I do not have the complete picture. I do not know the whys, but I CHOOSE to TRUST in You. For a brief moment you abandoned me.. or allowed me to experience the overwhelming pain that blocked away your presence. Is this Intimacy with Jesus? To suffer a glimpse of what You suffered? 
I am waiting, I am trusting for Your GLORY TO COME.

but what I do know... God, Your Love is Strong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=301S7NgAkLs

One thing God has spoken,
   two things I have heard:
Power belongs to you, God,
and with you, Lord, is unfailing love.

-Psalm 62:11

Home is where the heart is...

‎:: If you came back,you wanted to leave again;
if you went away, you longed to come back.
Wherever you were, you could hear the call of the homeland,
like the note of a herdsman’s horn far away in the hills.
You had one home out there, and one over here,
and yet you were an alien in both places.
Your true abiding-place was the vision of something very far off,
and your soul was like the waves,
always restless,
forever in motion ::

from 'The Emigrants' by John Bojer


Here has always been my home; it's all i've known...
yet I can't forget the home I found in India. But it's difficult to imagine truly living there =*(
I don't know which one is my home. So I will make my HOME in YOU, Lord Jesus.


Home is where the heart is.

Comforting Poem

"I WILL SEEK YOU" by Amila Pandian

I will seek you with all my heart
Hiding in the arms of my Father
I feel so safe in His care
I know that He's in control

Over every worry and every fear
He's the captain of my ship
When I'm in the storm
He leads me to sunny shores

Where I am once more warm
He's the anchor that holds me
When the entire world is shaking
In Him I can place my trust

I know He will not deceive me
He's the light in my darkness
He's the music in my loneliness
He's the laughter in my gloominess
He's always there!

What a joy I have found in my Father
He teaches me to trust in Him
To keep hiding in His presence
When all the world looks dim

What a delight to be in His presence
And to drink from His love so pure
To abide in His goodness
In Him I am secure 

I don't know any other
Who can make me feel this way
Cause in the pure richness of His mercy
He makes me feel so safe

He's my Knight in shining armor
Defeating every foe that comes my way
My Pillar of Cloud in the wilderness
My Shelter in the pouring rain

The Safety of You

"I am not an  afterthought. 
All God's love-inspired preplanning for each of us is not haphazard or impersonal. His timing may throw me or His sovereign plan may grieve me, but I am always sheltered in His sovereign hand. 
Can I rest in that? Can I quit resisting that?
Not always, but that's my humanness interfering with my acceptance of His divineness."
-Marilyn Meberg




God, I trust in the safety of You.

New Year 2011

Thankyou, Lord!
for the Hope that comes from the idea of a new year. a new start. a new beginning!


Reflecting back on this past year, I am surprised to see how fast this year's gone and how so much has happened. Remembering your faithfulness across so many situations, remembering your protection and care for me.. your provision, your great Love, and the many things you have taught me and challenged me to grow in.
Everything you have walked me through, Lord I see that You were with me every step of the way- guiding me as I learned to continue trusting and following You wherever You led.


From my senior year/graduation from UT, to the heart of the redlight districts of Kolkata, India, and further transitioning me to a completely new place in Stockton, CA for music therapy.. Your loving hand has been so evident All the way.


Wow, reading my blogpost from new years last year..I can't believe Urbanna  was just a year ago! http://linkuo.blogspot.com/2011/01/urbanna-commitment.html


I am in awe of You. Overwhelmed with thankfulness; can't help but Praise you!
It's amazing how God can speak volumes in the simple act of Remembering. I hope we can all continue making it a discipline to Remember and Tell of all the ways God has been Faithful to us, giving Him continual praise!


Lord, show me who you want me to become this year. I consecrate and surrender this new year to you; I pray that I will listen and obey, following wherever your Spirit may lead. Faithful in all you call me to be and do. I give my uncertainties and fears to you, trusting that You are my Good Shepherd. Lord, I desire to Know you more. to LOVE you more. and continue learning how to LOVE others with Your love. Give me a clean and pure heart that Seeks first your kingdom and righteousness. Faith that moves mountains. Eyes fixed on you, seeing what you see. A heart that loves as Christ loves.

Grow in me...

• Faith- when I can't see
• Hope- when brokenness surrounds
• Courage- to take risks, take action fearlessly for Your kingdom
• Patience- to wait on your timing
• Perseverance/Discipline- to keep running the race strong
• LOVE- apart from Your love I can do nothing

I long to be a clear channel/vessel of your love, light, healing, and hope to the areas of darkness in this world. You will call me Hope Giver, Joy Giver =). I pray that I would be a blessing to all I encounter. Refine me, purify me. Search my heart, O God. I long to draw intimately closer to you. May i pray the things on Your heart, intercede for the lost and broken that cannot for themselves. I refuse to be swallowed and overwhelmed by despair, I will lift up my eyes towards You and claim the victory against darkness, proclaiming Christ at the cross! Lord also give me the strength to..

 Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with You, my God. -Micah 6:8

I am trusting You step by step <3
I love you, Lord!! Thankyou that in You I have LIFE <3 in you there is No darkness.

Who is God wanting you to become this new year?

Quotes- Comfort and Faith

"What is my only comfort in life and in death?

That I am not my own,
but belong----
body and soul,
in life and in death----
to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ."

Heidelberg Catechism Q & A 1


“Faith”  by Tom Teller

When we walk to the edge of all the light we have

and take that step into the darkness of the unknown,

we must believe that one of two things will happen --

That there will be something solid for us to stand on

Or, we will be taught to fly.

Faith is not belief as much as it is a willingness to trust.

Believe in Beginnings

Help Me to Believe in Beginnings

God of history and of my heart,
so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
I’ve known death and birth;
I’ve been brave and scared;
I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;
I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;
I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;
I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;
I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;
I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;
I’ve laughed and I’ve cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history -
and now another day begins.

O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I’ve failed before.

Help me to make beginnings:
to begin going out of my weary mind
into fresh dreams,
daring to make my own bold tracks
in the land of now;
to begin forgiving
that I may experience mercy;
to begin questioning the unquestionable
that I may know truth
to begin disciplining
that I may create beauty;
to begin sacrificing
that I may make peace;
to begin loving
that I may realize joy.

Help me to be a beginning to others,
to be a singer to the songless,
a storyteller to the aimless,
a befriender of the friendless;
to become a beginning of hope for the despairing,
of assurance for the doubting,
of reconciliation for the divided;
to become a beginning of freedom for the oppressed,
of comfort for the sorrowing,
of friendship for the forgotten;
to become a beginning of beauty for the forlorn,
of sweetness for the soured,
of gentleness for the angry,
of wholeness for the broken,
of peace for the frightened and violent of the earth.

Help me to believe in beginnings,
to make a beginning,
to be a beginning,
so that I may not just grow old,
but grow new
each day of this wild, amazing life
you call me to live
with the passion of Jesus Christ.

Taken from Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder

None but Jesus

Lord Jesus, there is None like You <3 

Thankyou for saving me. for saving all of us. I would have no hope without you. no joy, no life, no love, no meaning without You. It is all from you, by your grace. only You.

I'm desperate for You..Your touch. When the world says hopeless, you say Hope-full. When the world says worthless, you say Worthy/Valuable. When the world says broken beyond repair, you say Healed, Made Whole, Restored. Redeemed. When my feelings and thoughts pound in the message that I'm a broken used record and that it's all I ever could be, you say No, Not true. Turn to me; Allow me to comfort, heal, and restore. Trust in me. I hold you and your loved ones in the palm of my hand, I will not let go.

In the deepest abyss of despair, your name, JESUS, is all I can cry out.

Throw me a rope..my last strand of hope.

and Your name.....is more than enough. JESUS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQRIHXtyRzU&feature=related

Dear Savior, You are Faithful. Your comfort sings over me. I will yet praise You. I place my hope in You. I am forever grateful. There is no one else for me, None but Jesus.

None but Jesus.